A Reader Lives a Thousand Lives

When I was a little girl my Momma never went anywhere without a book. Some mass market paperback version of the new Stephen King, or Dean Koontz was always tucked in her purse. She bestowed a love of reading on to me at such an early age.

I poured through books as an elementary school kid. I even won a contest in 1^st grade for reading 100 books in one school year! As I became a teenager, when the phone and eventually “hanging out” took over my life, while I would pick up a book now and then, I rarely read past the requirements of my English classes. In college it was even worse. Who the hell has time to read for pleasure in college?!?! When you show up on the first day, listen to lecture, and in your first class are assigned 9 chapters……before TOMORROW? Yeah, no escaping into a love story tonight! (This implies that I always read the material for my class the next day. Sometimes I would – if something better didn’t come along. I mean when your neighbor is having a get-together, you can’t not show, can you?)

After college I would read books every now and then. But I got out of college and had a baby. Ya know, there should be a billboard in front of every high school about babies: Sleep too much? Too much time on your hands? Think about yourself too much? Desire financial responsibility for the rest of your life? Too much time NOT cleaning up bodily fluids? HAVE A BABY! As the kids got older, and would ACTUALLY go to bed at a decent hour, I did read progressively more, but I’ve always been a busybody and have always had too many irons in the fire. For me time has always been like alcohol to an alcoholic, as soon as I have a little bit, I promptly consume it.

When I started the work I’m doing now, all time for books went out the window. I found myself working increasingly more hours and, when I would have time for a book, I was reading contracts, or books on negotiation techniques. I obsess. And, when I find something to obsess over, I go all in. There’s no obsession I work at half ass. If I’ve decided it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing RIGHT.

Now, as I am older, and my kids prefer video games and smart phones to my presence, I find myself with a little more time. Or at least I am attempting to make a little more time in my life. It has become clear to me that the life of obsession, over only one thing, is unsustainable. And so I’m diversifying my obsessions.

Lucky for me, Mikey shares many of these traits. And our obsessions are very similar in so many ways. We recently sat down before the end of the year and brainstormed a list of things we’d like to do in the upcoming year. Over half or more of the things on my list and his matched. One of them was “Read more books.”

In the last six months or so, we find ourselves particularly enjoying spending hours at the thrift store searching through books. For us, owning books seems something akin to collecting antiques. Eventually we figure a book, written on paper, and bound in such an artistic way, will be a thing of the past. And we just aren’t ready to let go of that past. Whether they ever are worth anything? I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care. I love a good book collection – always have. And so we are building ours.

The thing is though, we love books so much, and are interested in so much, that there are times we walk out of there with 2 paper bags full of books. Since we’ve done this a few times now, we talked about limiting ourselves to a weekly trip, with a preset amount to spend: $13.05. That is the price of 5 books (if they are on the high end of the pricing scale). We decided that we will shop as usual and if the combination of the books in our hands at the end of our trip is greater than 5, we will have to start bargaining over which ones to put back. (Fortunate for me that I negotiate for a living – however he’s pretty. damn. good.)

Yesterday, after we hit the gym, we wandered over to see what we could find. Funny, when you’ve bought a hundred books in the last month you’d think there’s nothing left to want to buy. WRONG! We left a couple on the shelf (with no real bickering) and brought 5 home.

And I can’t wait to go back! It could be worse...at least this latest obsession is fairly inexpensive. And we're making reading time a priority - I've already read 3 books in the last 2 weeks!

The Holy Grail....I Think I Found It!

Me and my big ideas. I’m always searching. Always on the lookout for something awesome that could make a difference in my world. Sometimes because I’m just curious, and sometimes out of necessity.

My Crock Pot has been something of a monkey on my back since I got it. First, I wanted a programmable Crock Pot, and I got one. Except it isn’t programmable on the front end, only in its cook time (start in the morning when you leave and then it holds your food on warm until you turn it off). Second, it cooks FAR hotter than I believe a Crock Pot should cook on low heat. Third, the handle slowly started to crumble – not a huge functional issue, but a pain none the less. Fourth, I must’ve slammed it down on the counter a little too hard one time as one of the legs is dented in so that I must put a kitchen towel underneath so that she stays level during use. Mostly, I just needed a new one.

A shot of the handle on my ghetto Crock Pot with the gangsta lean

In spending some time searching for the Crock Pot of my dreams some other appliances passed through the Google indexes – some of which I had noticed before only briefly, and some that I had never heard of. I was looking for a number of things in a slow cooker:

1. A machine that would take whatever I dumped into it in the morning and make it into a delectable meal by the time I got home from work.
2. A machine that was programmable…ON THE FRONT END! I want to put my food in the pot, and if it only takes 4 hours to cook, and I’m leaving at 8am, and returning at 4pm, it will not start cooking until noon.
3. A machine big enough to cook a roast that is several pounds.

And then I noticed the Instant Pot. I quickly scrolled through article after article on Pinterest. I searched through recipes, through what to do if you’re a beginner, I Googled what it would cook, how it could be used, how big it was, what you could put in it, how easy it was to figure everything out. And when I was done with my research, I KNEW that the Instant Pot was what I wanted. I quickly added it to my Wish List (something I’ll write about another time).

The battle ensued between Mikey and my Momma as to who was going to present this culinary treasure to me on Christmas. My Momma emerged the victor – though Mikey will likely reap most of the spoils. My parents got me the Instant Pot, a lid, and a cookbook to help me start making delicious, healthy meals.

I pulled it out of the box on New Year’s Day and read the entire manual. (Yes, I’m THAT person.) After reading the manual, and a few articles from Pinterest on how to start out, I cooked myself some water – a first step in preparing the machine for other gastronomic magic.

In our house we try to eat healthy – as healthy as possible. And we love to snack on hard boiled eggs. Side note: Did you know hard boiled eggs provide good fats, are naturally high in protein, contain good amounts of vitamin A & D, and is only 80 calories? When I found a recipe to cook hard boiled eggs in 5 minutes – YES PLEASE! Incidentally, being a pressure cooker, the Instant Pot should help us keep out of restaurants so much. To demonstrate how much time it saves: It will cook dry beans in under an hour!

I followed the very simple instructions on how to cook the eggs: 1 cup of water in the pot, add steamer tray, place eggs in, close lid and set timer. That’s it. The recipe promised perfectly cooked eggs, with shells that peel off easily. And it did not disappoint! No more ugly deviled eggs!

I haven’t had a chance to cook anything else in my Instant Pot yet (spent the following day zoodling (more on that later) but I’m ready to roll. I seriously can’t wait to put my ol’ Crock Pot on the Buy Nothing site….and maybe my rice cooker too!

Try, Try Again

The other day my daughter asked me why I don’t blog anymore. I guess it’s because life is so busy. And sometimes even the things we really enjoy can become a chore. I am resistant to tell even myself that I am going to start doing something regularly for fear that I won’t follow through. The impending failure is too much. I have so much self doubt, my ability to cope with failure is all taken up by my job. I don’t have room to disappoint myself too.

I enjoy writing; I always have. I’ve always wanted to write a book. I still have a promise lingering out there in the universe to my 9th grade English teacher, Mr. Hamel, to dedicate my first book to him. But I write a lot for work – nothing therapeutic or funny (ok, maybe sometimes my sarcastic brand of humor works its way in), or in any way documents my life experiences, but the need to put words on a page is fulfilled.

 I didn’t really ask Lil about why she was asking; I seem to recall we were laughing at something that her brother said. I suppose it’s because even though she finds it embarrassing at times, she likes that I write about her and her brother. When she was younger I wouldn’t let her read what I wrote. It wasn’t for them. It was for me, and for those of my friends who felt like connecting with me, sharing in my joys, and in my frustrations. Now, I would let her read it, but she’s no longer got any access to the internet (that’s a story for another day). Reading back on a few of the posts, I’m glad I wrote them. They provide a memory, more accurately told because of the timeliness of capturing the moment. When that moment may otherwise fade – the details evaporating as new memories fill their space – it’s here in black and white to look back at and laugh about.

 Now I’m encouraging her to write her own blog. I don’t have any expectation that she will become the next blogger phenom. Like me, English and writing come naturally to her. Written words on the page help her to clear her head, organize her thoughts, and express her feelings in a way that she can’t express otherwise. Her unique perspective could also help others (something I hope for in my musings here).

 With 2 other bloggers in the house, I want to renew my intention to capture moments in writing. I’m not a resolution kind of girl. But I do reflect – on what I’ve accomplished, where I could’ve done better, on the goals I have, and on how I wish to spend my time. Intention in my line of work means everything. And while the road to hell may be paved with them, I’m headed there anyway so why not intend to write again?

Life's a whirlwind of many opportunities

As I was driving to work this morning, my first work day of the New Year, I spent the time reflecting on the year that has just past – what happened, what changed, events that took place in my life, my kids’ lives, what I did, what I didn’t do but wanted to. I was talking to someone the other day and mentioned my blog. It wasn’t until this morning when I logged into my account that I realized it’s been nearly a year since I typed a single word on it. I want to change that. But…. I work in a profession where I am constantly giving people advice. One of the things I have to give advice about? Social networking. My standard advice? Don’t put anything on the internet that you wouldn’t post on the wall at work. So when I think about writing, something I find most cathartic, particularly on the web, I struggle with the amount of information I choose to divulge about myself to complete strangers. The thing is: I really like to write this blog. And ultimately I’ve never been a girl who lives her life behind closed doors. I’ve always been an open book. But there’s always fear – fear that you’ll accidentally post a picture that has half your address and now some psycho knows where you live, that your employer or people you know will see what you posted and judge you in some way, or worse that you’ll say something wrong, hurt someone’s feelings, or embarrass someone. I always take these things into account when I’ve posted on the blog before. And as long as I continue to post anything, I will continue to take precautions against all of them. But it’s still my story right? It’s still my space to say as I please (anyone who knows me will tell you I don’t have much problem with that)? And so I plan to start posting again. My life has changed A LOT since that last blog post. I was leaving for Boston for an opportunity of a lifetime. The events during and since that trip have flipped my life upside down. But I’m riding the wave of the journey we call life. No one makes any guarantees to us when we enter this world – the adventures we encounter along the way alter and shape where we ultimately end up at the end of our lives, and the ride we take until we get there. I plan to write about a few of mine.

I'm in Boston!

When we landed tonight here at Logan International it was already dark or I would've taken a picture. Believe me there will be more to come. We were met at the airport by the Director of the Harvard Trade Union Program with no hiccups at all. And let me tell you, she is hilarious. I knew I liked her when we were stuck behind some idiot who couldn't figure out how to get out of the airport parking lot (hello, very good signage above!) and her response was, "Well for fucks sake!"

Spent the evening grabbing a bit to eat with the brothers that are here from Local 77 and a new compatriot from the UK (originally from Scotland). And, because I'm anal, I cleaned out all of my suitcases, hung everything up and distributed my stuff into the drawers and into the bathroom....and I may have made at least one list :)

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Registration and welcome dinner in store for tomorrow. Think I'll probably hit the grocery store and pick up some things to cook....although the restaurants around here all look intriguing.

I was so sad to leave this morning. It was everything I could do not to cry leaving my little ones and the hubs. But I figured it out and there's only 19 days until I get to see them HERE in Boston! I miss them terribly already but I am also super excited!

My form of schizophrenia

I do not claim to know what it's like to have schizophrenia. I have studied schizophrenia when I was working on my psychology degree and I understand the way it supposedly works. I can't imagine actually having to deal with the disease every day, all day. I have friends who have ADHD, and others who have children that are diagnosed with it. I've known people who have bipolar disorder and when they were manic it was kind of crazy. Again, I can read what these things can do to a person but I don't REALLY know what it's like.  I do, however, often call what I DO have, which is clinically undiagnosed, my own sort of schizophrenia/ADD/mania.

I don't turn off. My mind is always going. I have a hard time devoting full focus to one thing. As I type this I am watching a TV show, checking my phone and thinking about the information I need to pass on to my replacement at work while I'm gone. I know that "they" say that women are naturally better multi-taskers, but this is ridiculous. When I lay down at night I literally MUST read. It's the only thing that distracts my attention away from the thoughts that spin and swirl through my mind enough to try to induce sleep. When I'm awake, I'm constantly writing lists. Metaphorically it feels like if I write it down on paper I can remove it from my mind. And it does help.....until I start thinking about making lists on how to organize my lists. I have formal lists that I've typed up and I have scraps of paper/napkins/receipts with random things scribbled on them. I'm obsessed with buying cute notepads that are meant for lists - grocery, to-do, to buy, etc. - but I'm just as happy to write a list on the side of a gum wrapper.


I purposely left this blurry. I'm willing to admit my problem, you don't need to see the specifics :)

Seriously, these are just the ones I had laying around right by me that I could quick take a snapshot of. These are everywhere. And now that I have a more demanding job, with much more to keep track of, they've increased exponentially.

I'm writing about this right now because it's been at the forefront of my mind since I've been planning for this long trip I'm taking. I have so much to do; so much to get prepared for. I've created SO many lists. Sleeping has been rough. Reading hasn't been doing to the trick. Even texting myself the stuff on my mind in the middle of the night isn't always working (when I was in college they called this "brain-dumping").

The hubs has no idea what this affliction is like. (And subsequently I have no idea what it's like to get in bed, turn off the light, and fall asleep. Period. Like no time between head hitting the pillow and dreamland. What is up with that?) We talked the other night about what it would be like to be able to spend time in someone else's body - like "Being John Malcovich" - so we could see what it's like to be the other person. I don't know if I'd really want to know. Perhaps it would make me even more jealous?

So I have some form of schizophrenia. Or ADHD. And OCD. I don't know. I guess I will just keep doing what works for me until I get sent to the insane asylum.

Does anyone else share my affliction?

Here I go again

Every year I say that I am going to be better about blogging and every year I make it just a little bit further into the year. In 2013 I made it through to March and then I quit. Life got in the way, work got in the way and sometimes I was just being lazy or didn't feel like I had anything to say. And so, here I am again, with renewed ambition. We all have things that help us ease stress and induce calm. Writing does that for me - even if it's just talking about some new recipe I tried. Refocusing my energy away from work (especially now that I have a newer, more intense job) and towards something else is always refreshing and relaxing....and my family will tell you if it's one thing I need to do it's relax.

I know that it's not quite the new year, but I thought maybe I would start now. I'm really only two days away anyway. And I'm totally stressing out about the next 6 days. In 6 days I am flying to Boston where I will be staying for 6 weeks! I'm worried about leaving my work behind, I'm worried I'm not going to pack the right stuff, I'm worried about the unknown that will meet me in Cambridge, I'm worried that I'm going to miss my husband and kids so terribly that I'm going to be miserable, I'm worried about making friends, and on and on and on.

I'm working on quelling some of my fears. I've already written list after list after list for packing. And, if you follow me on Pinterest, you'll know that I've been compiling outfits that are inter-related so that I can maximize pairing different things together. I've done my best to get things taken care of at work ahead of time but I am still leaving in the middle of contract negotiations with a sensitive group that has already been through a lot.

 Mostly, the main root of my fears is that I feel selfish for pursuing this schooling (at Harvard! Did I mention that?) at the expense of the hubs and my kids. I'm going to miss my daughter's birthday. I'm going to miss countless wrestling matches and basketball games. I know they'll be ok and can make it without me, but I work hard to make sure our family life runs smoothly. Perhaps I won't be scarring the kids for life - heck, maybe they'll barely notice - but either way I hope that I am at the very least showing them what it means to take the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that are presented to you and finding a way to make it happen.

Now, I have to get back to creating my family notebook for my mom. (She's going to be staying here off and on while I'm gone.) As I've been typing it I almost think it would a nice thing to have around all the time - contact info, medical stuff, dog care, kids chores, their schedules - but I hope that it helps her.

I know that I will be reachable by phone. And I hope to be able to Skype with them every night. And, we even are taking the opportunity to fly them out to see me for a week. But I still won't be here at home.