Creativity and the way it spills out

I've always been a creative person. In fact, when I don't get the opportunity to express some creativity I feel a little suffocated. My biggest problem is that I am my own worst enemy. I love to be creative. I'm also painfully obsessed with order and control making it difficult to be creative when I know there's laundry to be done, or dishes in the sink.

My mentor often makes fun of my need for order and control. Mostly because in my line of work there's no way to maintain it. It is an exercise in futility - much like keeping a house in order with two teenagers, a dog and three cats. While the logical and reasonable side of me understands that, the crazy side still wants it all - the perfect clean house, all the time in the world to be creative, happy kids that don't fight, a nutritious Pinterest-worthy dinner, time to play games and have fun, time to read, well you get it. I want it all. Still. Even though I've been fighting with myself for years to let those futile thoughts go. It's my crazy - I've been working on it for years. It's gotten better. But it's who I am.

By some weird universal urging I went through my vacation accrual last week. Apparently I've taken so little vacation since I started this job that I'm to the point that I will no longer accrue it if I don't take it. If you know me, you know I work ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. Even when I'm at the game I'm coaching a steward on filing a grievance. I'm the dick at the movies that's trying to hide my phone under my jacket frantically typing that one last email. I'm the one you're cussing at from behind as I sit at the light too long (*as a side note, with the change of the new law, and Lilly's constant interrogation, I am getting VERY good at disciplining myself not to touch my phone in the car). I care about the folks I represent. I want to make sure I am doing everything I can to maintain their faith in the labor movement; that if they are disenfranchised with something about the Union, it's not because of me.

Funny though, because as little vacation as I take I am constantly arguing with my co-workers, and the members, to take time off. Again, here's my logical side fighting with my crazy. I KNOW that time away from work is essential to maintaining balance. And yet I find it hard to tackle myself. Fortunately, the penny pincher in me is more powerful than the work horse in me - losing vacation equals throwing money away - I was not about to do that!

So I took two days off - for reals - like not answering my phone, not looking or answering emails, not looking at my work FB page. I had planned on working all weekend painting the deck rails. But I just didn't want to do that. Mike and I spent a leisurely weekend (SO incredibly rare for us) relaxing instead. It was something we both desperately needed.

Waking up this morning I thought about how I could spend these next two days. My creativity bug was itching to come out. I had a ton of squash my mom so generously shared from her garden. With the exception of squishing in a half day or so for Christmas baking I can't remember the last time I spent all day in the kitchen. I used to do it often - it satisfies a number of crazies in me: no wasting food, creating, making something yummy for my kids, doing something useful - but rarely spend 20 minutes in the kitchen anymore.

Grabbed my coffee and pulled up Pinterest for some inspiration. I rarely follow recipes, but I do like to look at a few as a basis. I decided to make a few different kinds of breads. Ironic since Mike and I don't eat sweet breads. But the kids like them and I can freeze them. I went to work shredding the squash (I wonder if you can see the results in my biceps yet?). Five or six hours later I'm left with the results of my labor - 23 little loaves of deliciousness.

Oh, and since Mike and I don't eat this stuff, I made us some energy & protein bites.

I feel good. (Maybe that's the wine coolers I've been drinking since 9am? I don't know. C'mon, I'm on VACATION!)

I'm proud of creating something. And I'm happy that I get to share with the ones I love. Wanna loaf?

My Pantry is so Tumblr....

Inspiration strikes at some of the funniest times, places and circumstances. There are times when you are searching for something in particular; something that will fulfill a need you have – whatever that need might be. And sometimes you’re just stupidly wandering when you’re smacked in the face with an idea.

As I wandered around World Market on Christmas Eve (so that Mikey could grab something in Target I couldn’t see) I came upon this wire rack that hung on the wall. I saw it from across the other side of the store. I was drawn to it. I wanted it. I didn’t know what for. And I do that enough to know that I CANNOT buy something because I think I MIGHT have a use for it. (Incidentally, these are all the really cool things other people end up scoring from me on the BuyNothing site when I finally decide to get rid of them. Sorry Buy Nothing folks, I’m trying to reign myself in.) I walked away. And then I thought of something I could do with it. I have unused space in my pantry! I could put it there, rearrange my kitchen, put all my food in the pantry instead of having it in the cupboards, it would free up space to have easy access to my small kitchen appliances, oh my goodness it would look really cute too….aaaaaannnnnnd, Mikey showed up, “time to go!” And there ended my spiraling idea reel. I said a silent goodbye as I got one last glimpse at the rack….

I COULD NOT stop thinking about it. And, after Christmas, I had EVEN MORE new small kitchen appliances! (As a side note I have made two more meals – one with the InstantPot and one with the zoodler – and both were Ah-mazing.) I told Mikey about my idea. And here’s the thing I love about him: He instantly started asking questions. Where do you want to put it? What will you use it for? How will that help you organize in the kitchen? I had answers to all of those. And so he said, “Well, let’s go look at it.”

After a couple of hours at the thrift store fulfilling our recent book obsession, we ended up at the World Market in Woodinville. At first, I couldn’t find it. But then, hiding in the back corner of the store, was this jewel; this space saving, Tumblr worthy (that’s a term Lil uses – I only pretend to know what it means), fix all my kitchen woes, rack.

Him: (he picks it up and makes a face) “It’s kind of chintzy.”

Me: (in my head) Ugh.

Him: “$129.99! What the fuck?!?!”

Me: (Dreams dashed just a little bit more) “Really, you think it’s chintzy? I like it.”

Him: “I’m sorry sweetheart, I just think it’s overpriced and not well built.”

Me: (in my head) Damn.

And so we meandered back to the front of the store. My pantry wall was doomed to be ugly, bare and useless.

One more stop before we hit home to settle down with a nice charcuterie plate for a quiet New Year’s night. All we wanted at Costco was a package of assorted meats. But my mom had just bought this cat tree, and I thought we should look at them. Maybe that would keep the bastards from clawing up my stair rail. (More on the feline idiots later.) As we walked back to the refrigerated food section we passed by some metal baskets. I picked one up.

Me: “This isn’t chintzy. It’s actually pretty nice. Do you think it would work?”

Him: “These are pretty nice. And they’re less expensive than that chintzy rack.”

Me: “What do you think? They come in pairs…..6?”

Him: “I think we could fit 8. I could definitely affix them to the wall for you.”
Me: “Are you sure? They’re kind of heavy. And I want to put a bunch of food in them.”

Him” “I’m sure. Let’s get them.”

Me: (in my head) YES! Damn I love this man. Pantry bliss is on it’s way!

Who rearranges their kitchen after living in a house for 11 years? I DO! I was so excited to see them going up. I could barely wait for him to have them all installed. I was already pulling everything out of the cupboards and envisioning how I would carefully group everything.

It only took about an hour for Mikey to have it all up and ready to go. He sauntered off to the office to write. I spent the next 2 hours pulling everything out of drawers and cabinets, throwing old stuff away (Seriously? I knew no one ever drank that mixable lemonade but I didn’t know it expired in 2011!), and cleaning out said drawers and cabinets for new kitchen appliance homes (because no one likes moving into a dirty home!)

I can’t thank Mikey enough for not letting me buy the rack from World Market. These baskets hold more, look nicer, are well made and look amazing. Now my pantry’s mission in life is fulfilled: complete usable space. And I get to drink my coffee every morning looking at my Tumblr pantry.