Surprise! Suprise!

To my Peanut, my Peet, on her 15^th Birthday:

Sometimes life gives us lemons. Sometimes we were the ones that went and picked them off the tree we weren’t supposed to touch. In either case, the opportunity to make lemonade is there.

I wanted to tell you the story of when I, and subsequently your Dad, found out we were going to have you. You know that we hadn’t planned on having kids, but I wonder if you know how head over heels in love we were with each other? How much time we spent together – laughing and arguing and debating and having fun? We had already decided we were going to spend our lives together before we found out about you. We hadn’t made anything official, and there was no wedding planned, or even an explicit conversation. But we knew.

The day I found out the flu I had was going to last another 8 months I experienced a wild ride of emotions. I told you how I took those pregnancy tests, all by myself at home, and watched incredulously as the two pink lines appeared. Was I scared? Yes. Was I prepared? No. Did I question my ability to be a good parent. Yes? Did I ever, for one single second, think of making a choice other than to have you? No. Not even once. Not a single solitary second did even one single thought go through my mind. I knew that this was a done deal. That I was going to be a Mom. So when I hear you talk about how you were an accident, well I guess that depends on how you define accident.

Accidents are simply an event that you didn’t expect, or plan, to occur. It was no secret. And I didn’t want it to be. I didn’t want to lie to you. To tell you that we were married before you came along, as though it was everything we expected and planned. I could only imagine what the impact on you would be if you had thought that, and found out later that things were different. The thing is, life is filled with accidents; some change your life for the better – like the universe giving you a gift that you never knew you wanted, and, of course, sometimes they aren’t so awesome.

But you, my girl, were the best surprise I’ve ever gotten. Nothing and no one could’ve prepared me for what I was to gain by that “accident” - which, if you don’t mind, I’d like to reclassify in your vocabulary as a surprise. Because that’s really what you were.

And as we've travelled down this path to your adulthood, we have faced challenges. And we will continue to face challenges. (Frankly, life would be pretty boring without its challenges.) But I need you to know this, and I need you to feel it deep in your gut, and I need you to understand that with all my being, with all my words, thoughts and feelings, there has never once, not one single tiny little microsecond, been a time when I have regretted the surprise that I got that day.

I knew from the second that I knew that you were a little tiny living peanut in me that I would somehow figure out to give you everything that I ever wanted; to give you all the support, and love, and caring that you would ever need to be happy and successful in this life.

And then, after four days of trying to get you out here to meet us, you finally joined our family in this world, and it only strengthened my conviction. I knew the second I saw that little bloody body held up over the tarp they draped between my face and my belly that there wouldn’t be ANYTHING that I wouldn’t do for you – to protect you, to keep you healthy, to keep you strong and able, to give you or to want for you.

So please, please understand that there is no word that can describe the love a mother has for their child – no matter the circumstances of how they got there. I love you more than you will ever be able to understand. Until maybe you become a mom yourself.

There is nothing else in the universe like it.

I love you and I can’t wait for our journey ahead.

A Letter to a Fellow Mother

To the Mother of the boy who jumped out of my daughter’s window last night:

Last night, I searched the internet looking to find the full name of your son. Lucky for me, I used to skip trace at my previous job, and so did Mike. I happen to know some cops and other people who can get information. So now I know who he is. And I know who you are. (The internet is the damnedest thing. You can find ANYTHING on it…IF you know where to look.)

I wanted to come to your house last night. Not because I think that you knew what your son was up to…No, I wanted to come to your house last night to ask you that you kindly tell your son that he is not welcome at my house. Or my daughter’s dad’s house. Or anywhere near my daughter, regardless of her location.

I was angry. REALLY angry. I considered calling the cops. I even asked some of my friends who are cops if I could have your son arrested for trespassing. In retrospect, that was hasty. And my anger took over my rational thought process. While this may have been your son’s idea (according to my daughter, who is prone to lying and whose credibility and integrity is completely shot), I realize that your son may also just be an immature child struggling with boundaries and the way of the world.

And so I found you, and through the miracle of the internet, I have the opportunity to send you a message. And I was going to...Except I couldn’t figure out what I really wanted to say to you. Because you, like me, probably didn’t have any idea that your son was at my daughter’s house. Because you, like me, probably didn’t have any idea that your son and my daughter had devised this secret plot to “hang out”. Because you undoubtedly didn’t know that my daughter was already grounded for “hanging out” with your son on a clandestine meeting at 1am a month ago.

But I wonder: do you, like me, want to know that this is what your son was doing? Because if the situation were flip-flopped, I WOULD want to know.

So I’m going to tell you what happened:

Yesterday I went to the bus stop to pick my daughter up to take her grocery shopping with me (2:30pm). She refused. She didn't want to come. Weird. Because she ALWAYS wants to come. So I drove her and her brother to their dad's house. I dropped them off and drove two doors down and I got a funny feeling. I even sat there for 10 minutes trying to figure out if I should just make her come with me. I was in a bad mood, and figured that was the reason for the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. So I left and went to the grocery store.

About an hour later (3:30pm) I got a text from my son asking if he could go to his friend's house to stay the night. He's been really good, doing very well in school and I had no reason to say no. I just forgot that he had been the only barrier between Lilly and her being left to her own devices. I said ok, we cleared it with his dad, and his friend's dad came to pick him up. Which, because I wasn't even thinking, left Lilly alone.

When my ex-husband, Brandon, got home yesterday evening (approx 5:30pm) there was a strange car parked just past his house. He went to it. There was a boy inside. He knocked on the window and asked if he could help him. The boy lied, "I'm just waiting here for my mom who's in that house right there." Brandon left it alone but apparently it still had his hairs standing on end because he took a picture of the license plate.

He went inside and was promptly greeted by a cheery and chatty daughter (which was weird in and of itself). Something still seemed off and he went into her room, where the window was wide open. He asked her why the window was open and she lied (it's 25 degrees at this point). He walked away, and was still bothered. He took a flashlight outside and there were footprints in the snow out of her window to where the car had been. BUSTED!

At first, she lied about anyone being there, but finally fessed up. It was your son, the same boy that she snuck out to see a month prior with her friend. The boy that my daughter was no longer allowed to see or talk to had been IN HER DAD'S HOUSE!

She doesn't even know your son. She says she had only met him that one other time. She didn’t even know his last name or really anything about him and now they are exchanging bodily fluids with one another.

So I got a phone call. “Can you come over here RIGHT NOW. I think someone has been in my house (this was before she confessed) and I need you to calm me down and keep me away from our daughter.” So I went over to his house. On a Friday evening. Right when I was making my dinner. When I should’ve been relaxing.

That’s what happened first. Here’s what happened next…

I wanted to find out who you are and where you live and pay you a visit. So that you could potentially help me to keep your son from contacting my daughter ever again. And, in fact, when I thought I found out who you were, we DID drive there to confront your son. But we had the wrong name. And the wrong address.

So I had my daughter call your son. I wanted to ask her to set your son up. To tell him that she had gotten out of the house and to meet her somewhere. But I thought better of that. I had her call him and tell him that we were sitting in a car, in Lake Stevens, and that her parents wanted to know his last name and his address. Because we were on our way to his house.

Like any typical teenager he refused. (To be honest, I probably would have, too.) He said he wasn’t home. He begged us not to go to your house because you were at work and your husband was sleeping and had to get up very early. He again refused to give up the information we were seeking. So Brandon took the phone.

Your son confirmed that the car parked at his house, the car we have a picture of the license plate, was YOUR car. A car registered in YOUR name. Brandon told your son that we will find out the information we want, the easy way or the hard way. At that point your son gave up his last name. But would not divulge your address. (He said he didn’t know it – “it’s on 56th St I think?”) He again begged Brandon not to show up at his house. Armed with your last name, and my connections, I found out who your son was. And I found out who you are.

But I was still angry.

And not thinking rationally.

So I haven’t contacted you. And I don’t know if I will.

Brandon and I did, unconditionally, unwelcome your son from either of our houses. We also asked that he stay as far away from our daughter as possible. I hope that he will heed our warning. Frankly, we’d rather never have to deal with him, or you, ever. We’d like you to be able to live a long, healthy, happy and prosperous life without ever having to meet us; to deal with this shit.

Only time will tell how that will end.

Here’s what I wonder about your son:

(I apologize in advance if I seem crass, or uncaring. I’m still pretty angry. Mostly at my daughter – but anger doesn't often accompany rational thought - so I'm mad at your son too.)

First, how desperate is he? He’s a senior in high school. At a big school. With nearly 2000 students. Roughly half of them are girls. Seems like he’s a loser if he can’t find anyone interested in him there. Why is he interested in my 14-year-old, freshman daughter? I can only think of one reason. I mean she’s pretty, and a pretty dynamic human being, but I doubt that is what has him so captivated.

Second, what gives your son the right to come into someone’s house without permission? This, on top of the fact that he knows that my daughter is grounded, in part, because of him! And, for all he knows, the father of this teen-aged girl is armed and dangerous; a man likely to shoot people he finds sneaking in or out of windows in order to protect his family.

Third, does your son lie like my daughter does? Is he a natural manipulator? Does he know that my daughter battles depression and anxiety? Does he know that she struggles very much with acceptance and craves affection? Does he know that she is very gullible with the prospect that someone “actually likes her”? Because if he knows any of those things, and is still manipulating her into “hanging out” with him, then he’s a total piece of shit. And you should be ashamed. (There’s that crass, unfiltered anger I was talking about.)

In some ways, I hope you see this. It’s embarrassing. To me. To my daughter. To our family. But I wonder if it will help even one person. Perhaps a parent, so that they know they are not alone in feeling like a failure (like I do). Or maybe a kid, who might accidentally bump into this post and have an ah-ha moment of clarity and make some adjustment in their life. Or maybe it will help no one but me – because it is cathartic for me to feel like I got to tell you this, even if it never reaches you. (Which, in other ways, I hope it doesn’t.)

Funny, my friend posted a link to this blog post this morning, and part of it said this:

“I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” – those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.” (Click here for the link to the full article)

This couldn’t have come at a more apropos time. As I sit at my computer crying, I think this author nailed it. Right now I’m only half way up the mountain. And I want to quit. I want to be warm and comfortable and not struggling to move forward. But I am not a quitter. And I will not quit the hardest, most challenging job I’ve ever been awarded.

And I don’t expect that you will either. We can’t. It’s built into us as mother's to continue to help our kids be successful, decent human beings. But it’s harder to do that when you don’t know what they’re up to.

THIS is the letter I would send, IF I was going to send it. Would you?

11 going on 25

It doesn’t seem like it’s been a year since I posted pictures of my cute baby girl on her 10^th birthday. She is now 11 years old and I can’t believe it. Her attitude and moodiness is far surpassing that of her age. Just recently I’ve watched her turn the corner from thinking Mom and Dad had most of the answers to thinking that Mom and Dad not only know nothing, but are unfair and cruel. I mean, I knew it was coming, I just thought we had a little more time.

Her whiny face hasn't changed much

For the big birthday celebration this year I took her and 4 of her friends to the ice skating rink, to the mall for some shopping, and to dinner. I really do like her friends. They are all really supportive of each other and they all have really unique and funny personalities. But I’m still the girl who never wanted to have kids and I was SO grateful that my mom asked to tag along. She is much better at tolerating the goofy, off-the-wall behavior than I am.

We started our day at the ice rink. Lilly was tentative about having a part of her party there because she didn’t want to come across as copying her friends (she’s been there for 2 other birthdays in the last month). But alas she couldn’t resist. The girls skated around for a little over an hour before their ankles were sore and they had each fallen at least once. They were ready to hit the mall!

After the giggly, goofy car ride to the mall we stopped off at Starbucks (Lilly’s favorite) for a drink. I was so impressed that after ice skating and Starbucks all of the girls thanked me. What good manners – nice work parents! And even though my mother doesn’t think it’s right, I love that the girls remember to call me Nichole and not Mrs. Reedy. I know that Mrs. Reedy is “proper” but that name belongs to my mother-in-law, not me.

We stopped in a PACKED Aeropostale, spent a long time in Claire’s, and perused through Justice, but JCPenney took the cake. The girls decided to try on prom dresses. Like my normal nervous Nellie self I was worried they were clogging the dressing room, or making too much noise, but my mom was quick to say, “Nah, this is fun. You’ll miss this. Let them go,” so I did. They tried on dress, after dress, after dress, taking time between each to model for Murmur. My daughter is such a character I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t end up pursuing an acting degree. She’s dramatic, she’s expressive and she’s over the top….and it’s SO cute even if it does get annoying.

 

 

 

When we were done crashing the dress department we headed over to the high heels so that the girls could attempt to break some ankles. It cracks me up to watch them attach personalities to the shoes. There they are, in their own clothes, with a crazy pair of high heels on assuming the personality of the person they think might wear them. A couple of turned ankles later (with no real injuries I might add) we put a stop to the high heels and headed to Macy’s.

 

Macy’s was not too exciting (except that we lost Murmur along the way – don’t worry we found her) and so we headed to Forever 21. They were all overcome with the aisles and aisles of cheap makeup, and jewelry, and accessories. I asked Lilly to borrow her phone (mine was dead) and she couldn’t find it. We looked through her purse but it was nowhere to be found. A quick check in with Murmur and off we went to retrace our steps. I was SO mad…and she knew it. We have had many discussions about the importance of keeping track of house keys, phones, and wallets. I couldn’t believe she lost the phone. Turns out there are still some nice, honest people out there, and someone returned the phone to a sales associate who turned it in to lost and found who called “home” and notified Dad that they had her phone. I was still really mad but the hubs reminded me to let her have a good evening. After some more tears from Lilly, and some deep breaths on my part, smiles started to return and we went back to shopping.

 

It had been a long, exhausting day and we were all ready for dinner. The Spaghetti Factory was packed to the brim but thanks to their call ahead seating we only waited about 20 minutes. By this time the girls were all jacked up on some candy they had purchased and all of their extra energy was directed straight at our waiter. They each ordered Italian sodas and while one would order, another would ask the waiter some bizaare question. When it was time to order, First Riley ordered a “rocket” off the kids menu (the word “rocket” was in the word search). Our poor waiter looked at her puzzled. “It’s on the menu,” she said, “right here.” Being a good sport he ran to the kitchen, came back, and said, “Sorry, the last one just took off.” The girls spent our whole dinner laughing, asking the waiter for special requests – like, “My lettuce is in too big of chunks, can you make it smaller?” – and in general showing their own special combination of humor and wit. At some point, because the rocket issue could not be let go, the waiter went and got the general manager. They barraged him with questions and requests. I think someone asked if he could please get One Direction to come to the restaurant. He was also a good sport and ended up leaving noting that “These are the girls that are going to make it. They are witty and smart and I can tell they’re going to do something with their lives.” In the end, they made the waiter guess their ages, guess their names, they insulted him by guessing he was 37 (he was 33) and told him that he was probably smart because he wore glasses. They were so happy with him putting up with all of their razzing that they insisted on giving him a tip. Being a good guy, he continued to hand the dollars back to the girls. Then Lilly, in an act I expect she will look back on in several years and laugh even harder, tucked two dollars into the waist of his apron! All I could do was shake my head and laugh – it really was pretty funny. Daniel, you made the girls’ night. They talked about dinner the whole way home! Thank you for being such a good humored and patient waiter.

 

 

Just when it finally seemed like they were tired and quieting down the giggling began again. We dropped the girls off, one by one and went home. At each stop Lilly asked her friend, “Did you have fun?” Everyone answered yes with a big smile. I truly think that some life-long memories were made that night. I can only imagine how hard they will laugh when they are at their high school reunion, remembering this night, and wondering how they got away with continually asking their male waiter for a rocket! (Sorry, I tried to keep my mind out of the gutter but they just kept saying it – over and over and over!)

I hope you had a fun birthday party Lil. Despite the large dose of hormones that you seemed to have gotten from Mother Nature for your birthday that has turned you into a moody snot, I still love you. You’ll always be my favorite daughter!

The Allowance Dilemma

From the time my kids were pretty small the hubs and I were discussing what we would do for allowance. Would we give the kids money for nothing? Would we make them earn it by doing chores? Would they earn more if they did extra chores? Would we take it away if they were misbehaving? How much do we give them? How early do we start? What can we teach by giving an allowance?

I have to tell you I have googled A LOT about this subject. I've read experts opinions, I've read other parents opinions, I've read blogs about how families have adapted some mixture of all the suggestions from the first two together. There are so many ideas, so many different takes on the subject, I was left reeling trying to consider all of the possibilities.

Initially we floated the idea of allowance to the kids when Lil was about 6 years old, making Logan only about 4 at the time. I didn't feel like I could leave him out so we implemented for both of the kids. I think I recall giving them like $1.50/week and they had to save at least $0.50 of that. The problem was they didn't really get it, didn't really care about receiving it and I was really bad about having the cash on hand to present to them every Friday. I think it may have lasted about 3 weeks at the most. They forgot to ask, I forgot to provide and so it went by the wayside.

Now that they are older we decided that it was time to implement allowance again. Several things prompted the beginning of this new allowance system.

1. Their wants are getting increasingly more expensive. With technology becoming more innovative and cool they want the latest gizmo and gadget. While we could probably get them some, if not all of it, if we really wanted to, we feel like they don't have any understanding of how valuable the item is. Someone hands you an iPod and it's like, "Great! Woohoo!" There is no concept of the fact that the little piece of technological parts you're holding in your hand cost that someone a pretty penny.
2. They value money. They are both at an age now where getting cash & gift cards is one of their favorite things. They like to know that they can buy something, with their own money, when we go to the store.
3. We want to teach them what it's like to be responsible with money. Not only are far too many of us up to our eyeballs in credit card debt these days, there aren't many of us that are on board with the "save up until you can afford it" mentality. Our society is so full of "needs" that are really just wants -  and damnit we need these things RIGHT NOW! The idea of waiting to get something you want is nearly lost on my generation and, if it's possible, is only getting worse for my children's generation.

As I researched what was working for other families and what the experts recommended I thought about the constraints we would face with regards to allowance. Here's what I knew some of our limitations would be: 1) I would not have cash for them every week on Friday. I never carry cash and I know I wouldn't stop on Friday after work to get it for them; 2) They will probably forget to bring their money with them to the store OR they might not know that we were going to stop at the store and thus not bring their money; 3) They had to have easy access to whatever system we implemented. Otherwise they'd just ditch the whole idea, money or not; 4) It had to be something that was visible. They will need to be able to see what's happened with their allowance.

In taking all of this into account I developed our own system. It's definitely a hybrid of all of those other cool ideas I've seen on other people's blogs, but it is customized for the way that we live.

First, we discussed how much money per week to give the kids. Many of the things I read suggested an amount equal to their age either per week or per month. For us, $10 and $8 per month seemed a little low considering the cost of consumer items these days but we were also unwilling to shell out that amount per week. In addition, because we have two children who are constantly arguing about what is fair, we knew it had to be the same amount for each of them. We settled on $5 each per week.

Second, the earn for chores or just be given the money question. While we like the idea of earning your money (that's how we get our money, right?), we didn't want them to think that they should get paid for helping out around the house. We don't get extra money for doing laundry, or picking up dog poop, why should they? We felt like it was more important for them to realize that they had an obligation to lend a hand because they are a part of our family and they live here, rather than pay them for chores.

Third, do we take money away if they are misbehaving? While this is tempting we felt like the main reason why we were giving them an allowance is to teach them the value of money and to learn how to be responsible with it. It is not part of a reward/punishment system and so we have chosen not to use it in that way.

Fourth, I read that many people made their kids split their money into different banks: spending, saving, and donation. We decided we also thought it was important for the kids to see what it was like to save their money and so we came up with a hybrid spending/saving plan. Of their $5 per week they are required to put at least 30% of that amount into a Spendable Savings Account (SSA). It is a savings account, but it is money that they will be able to spend. The caveat is that they will only be able to spend this money on a big purchase that they save up to buy. This stemmed from a goal Lilly had to buy herself an iPod. She had saved up $140 (the one she wanted was $200) and over the course of a few weeks piddled her money away on junk with nothing to show for it. The money in the SSA can only be withdrawn at $50 or higher. Also, for every four weeks they have $50 in their SSA they earn $2.50 interest. And that is compounded so if they have $100 for four weeks they earn $5.00 and so on.

Now that we had answered the important questions we had to figure out how to implement. Knowing that their allowance would not be my top priority I set up automatic transfers from our checking account to their savings accounts at the bank. This way their money would always be available and designated for them. I decided that the best way for them to keep track of their earnings, savings and spending was on a form that looks like a check register. I created these folders to hold their registers for both their regular spending account and their spendable savings account.

I created the registers to look and work exactly like the check registers of the days of yore. I say that because I haven't kept a check register in ages - I just use a debit card - but I do know how to use a check register if I have to and it's as good a tool as any to teach the kids how to manage their money.

I wanted to make sure they knew the regulations of the Bank of Mom & Dad up front so each of them have a copy of them in the back of their folders. These are the regulations:
 

·       Paydays are weekly on Friday.

·       You must save at least 30% of your allowance for a long term goal.

·       You must keep all purchases up to date in your register.

·       You are allowed to spend your allowance at any time, on anything you wish to purchase.  However, the items you buy can and will be regulated by the parents. For example, you can choose to buy candy but the parents have the right to deny access to any item that you buy, at any time, for any reason.

 

·       You ARE allowed to deposit more than 30% of your allowance into your spendable savings account.

 

·       There is a minimum $50 withdrawal amount from your spendable savings account. In other words, you cannot withdraw an amount less than $50. Any amount over $50 is ok.

 

·       Money in your spendable savings account will earn an additional $2.50 per month for every $50 in your account

I initially included a regulation that required that they add their money into their registers each week but upon further reflection decided not to. While I wanted them to think that getting their "paycheck" was important, I remembered that I get my paycheck whether I remember to pick it up or not. I complied with the regulations set in order to get my paycheck and the company I work for cannot then say since I didn't pick up my check ON payday that I don't get to have it. Since the goal is to prepare them for how money works in the real world I left that regulation out.

I also thought about letting them get themselves into a situation where their account could potentially go negative and setting regulations as to what fees would be charged - just like the actual bank. But I decided to hold off on that for now until they start to get a better grasp as to how this all works.

The kids have a pretty good memory of how much money they have in their accounts at any given time and I usually watch them when they add their paychecks in so I have an idea as well. This way they don't have to bring their wallets with them everywhere (where they get lost or stolen) and if we make an impromptu stop at the store they have their money available to them. We simply pay for their items separately and they take the reciept home and log it into their register. This way they pay the sales tax, they get whatever discount might be going on, etc. We haven't run into a time where they've gotten into the negative yet. If and when we do I will have to revisit my ideas about adding regulations on that subject.

We started this at the beginning of November and it has been going quite well. It is interesting to watch the differences between the two kids in the way they save and spend money. They are definitely both very different.

 

Logan began putting a little more than the required $1.65 into his spendable savings account ($2.00), but he is quick to spend his money. He is also the one who always remembers to add his Friday paycheck into his register.

Lilly hasn't spent much of her allowance at all. I think she may have bought TicTacs one day. But she designates a much larger amount to savings. She really wants to start earning the interest and building that savings account up because she wants an iPad REALLY bad.

 

 

 

Do your kids get an allowance? What system do you have in place?

 

If anyone is interested in getting the templates for my register, folder cover, a copy of my regulations or otherwise please let me know and I will post links to them as free printables.

Somewhat Innocuous Sources of Real Messages

Lilly has been begging to watch The Help for over a month. I read the book last year and couldn't put it down. It was poignantly written and brought both smiles and tears. Any book that can make me laugh out loud I consider a winner. Kudos to you, Kathryn Stockett.

Tonight I finally rented it. It's Black History Month right? Maybe I should've watched it before I let my daughter, but I had heard from multiple trusted sources that it would be ok for her. Turns out it was. The movie was well done and seemingly portrayed life at that time in Jackson, Mississippi as accurately as it could have. She had many questions. She laughed. She cried. Now I want her to read the book.

Now, she has learned a lot from school about the Civil Rights Movement and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. She knew that African Americans in our country had suffered horrific inequities. But somehow I think that a movie like this, a story where she can associate with characters, could potentially leave even more impact than all the school lectures. It's funny how two hours of your life watching a movie could get such important information ingrained your head forever.

She is horrified about the way many of the white women in the film treated their maids. She was indignant that there was a time in our history where these stories actually existed. She told me, "Mommy, I don't believe that it is ever ok to treat people differently. You should not be judged by the color of your skin."

Dr. King, your message has been received. It may not have been in the format you originally imagined, but it has happened nonetheless. You would be proud. And so am I.

The reason I'm the "nicest Mom ever!"

For the last two months Lilly has been planning, and then re-planning, her birthday party. She went from a slumber party at home to dinner out, movies, bowling, spa day, hair appointments, etc. You know, typical Big 1-0 birthday parties. Alas we finally settles on dinner at Red Robin, shopping at the mall, catching a movie and then a sleepover. Due to the nature of her party (and by that I mean expense and feasibility of car space) I made her restrict her invitees to 4. She really struggled with that because she is SO afraid to hurt anyone's feelings but she ultimately decided it was worth it to have "the best party ever!"

And so, my faithful friend Tonya and I braved an evening with five 10 year olds....

In an effort to make it even more fun, mother nature decided to add her own little spin on things: SNOW! It started snowing around 10am but at first was not sticking. Then, around 1pm, the flakes got better and started clinging to everything in sight. I was so worried one of the parents was going to call and cancel - Lilly would've been devastated - but they didn't (THANK YOU ladies!) and at 3, in the snow, we went around town collecting girls.

Here they are at Red Robin:

Apparently having your friends right there with you is still not stimulation enough. Everyone has to be constantly monitoring their "i" devices ;)

5 giggly girls full of sugar in the snow

Lilly was intent on making sure that I let them know it was her birthday. She was NOT missing out on that free sundae!

It was my intent to take them to the Alderwood Mall since the Everett Mall pretty much sucks. However, as we drove down I-5 and the traffic got slower, and the roads got whiter, I had Tonya google Aeropostale. If there was one at the Everett Mall that's where we were heading. Thankfully, for our safety and sanity, there was!

Here they are at the mall:

They find the weirdest things funny

playing in "Wishes"

Waiting for the movie to start.

We looked at clothes at Aeropostale, sprayed WAY too much smelly stuff at Bath & Body Works, looked at goodies at Claires, found "noise putty" (one of the biggest hits of the evening) at Old Navy and stopped at a few of the kiosks for random items. I think they had fun. They were giggling an awful lot.

After that we went to see "We Bought a Zoo" which turned out to be a really cute movie. When we left the movies - at midnight - I thought they might be tired. I'm coming to realize that packs of girls are similar to packs of dogs. Not that they get violent and tenacious when they are in a pack, but that they feed off of one another's energy which just sparks hours and hours and hours of more giggling, laughing, screaming, etc.

And so they were up all night. And I mean ALL night. Last time I told them to go to bed (because I was going insane listening to them) it was 4:30. But I hear they just quieted down and didn't actually go to sleep until between 5 and 6am. Man I wish I was young again!

This morning they woke up to even more snow. And of course decided after breakfast it would be a good idea to go out in it, despite not having the appropriate clothing. Oh well... at least they had fun.

Today I cut Lilly off of her electronics for a while and we went to the neighbors to have a snowball fight. When we got back I sent both the kids to their rooms for some reading time. Lilly, of course, fell asleep. That was at 4:30. She hasn't been awake since.

And now I am on my way to my bed as well. I'm POOPED!

Happy Birthday to my little girl

10 years ago....

Today...

Happy Birthday Sweetpea. I love you more every day. You're the best thing to ever happen to me!

Raising a Prodigy

Yes, my daughter is a genius, but that's not what I'm talking about. I've posted before about the foreign language Brandon and I speak: movie/TV lines. It is becoming apparent that our legacy will continue at least with our daughter.

She is a 'Friends' fanatic, much like myself. We have all the re-runs scheduled to record on the DVR from all the stations that play them. We will spend a lazy Sunday watching all 10 episodes. I know, it's our Momma-Daughter guilty pleasure.

Months ago we were at my folks house playing Euchre. Someone flubbed up dealing and stuck their hands out on the table. Lilly's first response? "Identical hand twin!" she says with the inflection and everything! (In case you don't remember the episode, Joey is in Vegas and finds a dealer that he believes is his identical hand twin; a trait he believes they will make millions of dollars from.) We were so proud, giggling at her keen wit and proper use of the line. My parents looked at each other puzzled.

Tonight Lilly and I were joking around. I was teasing her for something and giving her a hard time - the usual at our house - when she popped out with, "Whatever dude, you kissed a guy!" Yes, another 'Friends' quote and it was hilarious! I laughed so hard I had to text the conversation to Brandon. She is such a kick. I can't get enough of her!

So if my sweet little daughter happens to be spending time with you and she comes out with some weird, off-the-wall quote, think back to those 'Friends' episodes you watched as a teenager - it might trigger a memory!

Stop the Madness!

I never intended to have kids. I was never a kid person. When all the other girls were bragging about how much money they were making baby-sitting all I could think is, "You couldn't pay me enough!" Don't get me wrong, I watched a kid or two, because it was the thing that I was supposed to be doing, or because my mom volunteered me. But I never really liked it. When a little kid would wander over to me at a family party or something I was the girl with the look on her face crying HELP!

So when I found out I was pregnant I was nothing short of terrified. What was I going to do? What if I didn't like my own kid? I just KNEW I was going to be a horrible mother.....until my good friend and co-worker, Jennifer, eased some of my fears. I will never forget her words to me as I cried in our conference room: "I never liked kids either, I still don't like other people's kids, but I LOVE my son!" Jennifer at WEA Fourth Corner in Bellingham, if you don't remember saying these words, you should. I will never forget them!

Now, 9 years and 2 kids later, I don't know what I would do without them. I know I'm not the best Momma ever; I'm not one of those women who claims to never lose it, to never yell at my kids, to always be understanding. I'm sarcastic. I probably am making them a little too cynical a little too early. I make fun of them from time to time. But I would do ANYTHING for them. I just can't believe that my little girl is going to be 9!

Brand new

Thinking of myself as 23 still I just can't grasp that my little red headed sweetie pete is going to be 9! She's always been wise beyond her years; she talked early, she's had a shoe obsession since day 1, she is SUPER smart, witty and catches on to more than I wished she would.

Here are some pics of my sweetie peetie:

Always LOVED the camera!

favorite blankie - couldn't live without it. Left it at home and bought another at Target for the trip we were on....then we had to bring BOTH everywhere!



Oooooh, are those new shoes over there?



One of my favorite pictures EVER!

 I still can't believe it. How can we already be half done raising her? And gee whiz, have we done a good enough job so far?!?!