My mentor often makes fun of my need for order and control. Mostly because in my line of work there's no way to maintain it. It is an exercise in futility - much like keeping a house in order with two teenagers, a dog and three cats. While the logical and reasonable side of me understands that, the crazy side still wants it all - the perfect clean house, all the time in the world to be creative, happy kids that don't fight, a nutritious Pinterest-worthy dinner, time to play games and have fun, time to read, well you get it. I want it all. Still. Even though I've been fighting with myself for years to let those futile thoughts go. It's my crazy - I've been working on it for years. It's gotten better. But it's who I am.
By some weird universal urging I went through my vacation accrual last week. Apparently I've taken so little vacation since I started this job that I'm to the point that I will no longer accrue it if I don't take it. If you know me, you know I work ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. Even when I'm at the game I'm coaching a steward on filing a grievance. I'm the dick at the movies that's trying to hide my phone under my jacket frantically typing that one last email. I'm the one you're cussing at from behind as I sit at the light too long (*as a side note, with the change of the new law, and Lilly's constant interrogation, I am getting VERY good at disciplining myself not to touch my phone in the car). I care about the folks I represent. I want to make sure I am doing everything I can to maintain their faith in the labor movement; that if they are disenfranchised with something about the Union, it's not because of me.
Funny though, because as little vacation as I take I am constantly arguing with my co-workers, and the members, to take time off. Again, here's my logical side fighting with my crazy. I KNOW that time away from work is essential to maintaining balance. And yet I find it hard to tackle myself. Fortunately, the penny pincher in me is more powerful than the work horse in me - losing vacation equals throwing money away - I was not about to do that!
So I took two days off - for reals - like not answering my phone, not looking or answering emails, not looking at my work FB page. I had planned on working all weekend painting the deck rails. But I just didn't want to do that. Mike and I spent a leisurely weekend (SO incredibly rare for us) relaxing instead. It was something we both desperately needed.
Waking up this morning I thought about how I could spend these next two days. My creativity bug was itching to come out. I had a ton of squash my mom so generously shared from her garden. With the exception of squishing in a half day or so for Christmas baking I can't remember the last time I spent all day in the kitchen. I used to do it often - it satisfies a number of crazies in me: no wasting food, creating, making something yummy for my kids, doing something useful - but rarely spend 20 minutes in the kitchen anymore.
Grabbed my coffee and pulled up Pinterest for some inspiration. I rarely follow recipes, but I do like to look at a few as a basis. I decided to make a few different kinds of breads. Ironic since Mike and I don't eat sweet breads. But the kids like them and I can freeze them. I went to work shredding the squash (I wonder if you can see the results in my biceps yet?). Five or six hours later I'm left with the results of my labor - 23 little loaves of deliciousness.
Oh, and since Mike and I don't eat this stuff, I made us some energy & protein bites.
I feel good. (Maybe that's the wine coolers I've been drinking since 9am? I don't know. C'mon, I'm on VACATION!)
I'm proud of creating something. And I'm happy that I get to share with the ones I love. Wanna loaf?
